Kenyans have very close family ties and as a child, everyone is raised to honor this tradition. This is a big part of our cultural upbringing, it is often considered inappropriate to decline giving financial support to family members and relatives.
I have a friend who agreed to finance the education of one of his cousins despite the fact that he was already having a difficult time being the sole breadwinner for both his parents and a younger brother.
I recently sat down with him and asked him to share the reasons as to why he agreed and how he was coping with it. He told me he found it difficult to say No to his aunt when she came calling in her time of need because he felt indebted by the fact that she is the one who took care of him as child when his parents were feuding. He also felt that her cousin was just too bright and he could not afford to see her miss on education.
Lending out money or giving financial support to family members and relatives is often an emotional experience. Nevertheless, I think that we should learn how to handle the situation as objectively as possible. By letting our emotions and pity control our decisions, we could end up in our own financial mess.
If you’ve experienced being asked for money by a relative, I’m sure that you know that these situations typically start with the telling of a sad story. Listen with an open heart and empathize but do not promise anything. Show genuine concern and ask questions so that you’ll fully understand the circumstances that led them to ask for your help.
After that, tell them that you would need some time to think about it. Be clear that the reason why you’re asking them to wait is because you want to assess your finances. Make them understand that you’re currently not in the best position to commit to anything.
Furthermore, be sure to give them a reasonable date when you’ll have your decision and offer to be the one to call them on that day. Doing so will lessen their anxiety and likewise assure them that you are sincerely willing to help.
You’re next step is to naturally assess your own financial situation if you could afford to give your support. This where you realize the value of tracking our expenses and the importance of having a personal budget because it helps put your finances on paper. You should also be aware that it may seem that you can afford to lend out the money now but don’t forget to consider your needs in the coming weeks or months.
Once you have thoroughly assessed your financial capabilities and found out that you could afford to extend your help, then arrange to make the payment directly to their need.
In my friend’s case, rather than giving her aunt the money for his cousin’s tuition, He prefers writing a check payable to the school. Likewise, instead of giving her cousin money for books and other school requirements, he asks her to give him the list and buys them personally. This helps him ensure that his hard earned cash is put to good use instead of being spent on unnecessary expenses.
Lastly, don’t expect to be paid back. Even though they might say that they will return the money someday, in most cases, it never happens.
Whatever financial support you extend should be considered a gift rather than a loan. This way, you avoid family rifts and unnecessary feuds. If you cannot afford to lose the money, then the best option might be to offer non-monetary support.
At times, after seriously considering your personal finances, you may find out that you cannot afford to help out according to your current financial situation. The big question now becomes how to say no.
To start with, it’s important to make them understand your situation and explain to them your own financial goals. You should be sincere and diplomatic in your approach to this conversation to avoid hurting their feelings. It could also be of greater importance if you would be willing to offer support in another way such as helping them find income opportunities and teaching them financial responsibility.
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